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Thoughts from a King.

You try to hold it all in, right? The anger, rage, pain, frustration, feeling of self-doubt, lack of worth, all of it. In your two hands you think you can hold the weight of it all, AND , with sooooo much arrogance, everyone else you care about. Because you believed and they believed you could.

Thinking, ” I can handle this! I’m strong in spirit. Shit, everybody else seems to think I am emotionally and mentally put together, WHY NOT ME?”

And then you hear that crack…..
Sounds like glass under the feet of an elephant….
You see the streaks crawling from under you, all forming and spreading, some spelling out what is killing you on the inside.
And before you think of saving yourself, you push every one away, you push everyone else off the platform, you don’t want them to get hurt. You think that, ” they’ll hate me for it now, but when the glass breaks they will understand. I had to do this.”

But what of you and your safety? What of your fate?
You try to patch up one, another forms. You think of gluing another, but it’s spreading too quickly, you wanna hit your knees in prayer but you’re too afraid of the glass breaking….

and then…….

The fall is a release and terrifying at the same time. You are glad the anticipation is over, but now a new one arises.

The Fall.

And, foolishly, you think to grab on to as many shards of glass as you can, swallow them and maybe you will die before you hit the ground. But you soon find out that the glass are nothing more than tears and that all you did was drink a chaser to all of the hurt you been doing shots of.

With only seconds before you hit the ground, you think back to every one you pushed off the platform thinking maybe they will be down there to catch me.

crash.

….and all that remains of you, underneath your body twisted like your emotions and mind has been, are the letters H-E-L-P in the earth below you.

Question: Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
“But who will guard the guardians themselves?